It's been a rough day and that's ok.

Today has been a rough day. I worked at home all morning before going to campus for the faculty assembly meeting. The microphone in the room was very loud and the sounds hurt my ears. I have learned to get to venues like this early and sit on the right aisle seat so that people can sit to my left and I can hear them. I sat next to two colleagues who were very kind and asked which ear was the better ear to hear from. The experience was still difficult. It was difficult to converse with them before the meeting started and that frustrated me and added to my sense of loss with the semester starting. I am tired and my tinnitus is louder and more persistent, begging for attention, and that's frustrating. I found myself looking in the mirror this morning and wondering "Who is that woman and how did she get to be 51?" Sometimes this stuff sucks, it just flat out sucks, and I hate it. I hate how my life has changed and I hate that I can't hear the way I used to. Meditation has taught me that rather than denying these feelings and pushing them away, I need to sit with them and cradle them as I would a crying baby. My feelings are important and I need to honor them and be with them. Sometimes life sucks and that's all there is to it.