Everything is has changed; nothing is the same.

I woke up today and was immediately aware of the pressure in my ear and on the right side of my head. I have so much to do that I wanted to get out of bed at 5:00 am when I woke up but instead stayed in bed until 6:00 am. I really hate this and today I hate it even more. I read my blog post from August 18, 2016, just a few days ago and I'm still in that place. My life has changed in very dramatic ways. Many days are a struggle and it's a struggle few people understand. Hearing loss fatigue is real. By the end of the day, I am exhausted. My tigher (female tigger) is absolutely exhausted. I'm tired of this, tired of managing my energy. I want my life to be like it was. I don't want to be reading about sudden hearing loss, I don't want to be in groups for it on FB, I don't want to say to myself "You're grieving, Catherine, and that's ok." I don't want to have this thing to grieve. Every freaking thing in my life has changed. Nothing is the same. How I spend my time is different; relationships are different; my job is different; my sleep pattern is different; my thoughts about what I eat are different as I now consider eating more foods that will increase my energy. My mood is different; gone is the happy tigher who bounced into the classroom, filled with energy and passion for teaching. Everything has changed and I hate it. Meditation has taught me several things. One of the most important things is to acknowledge what I'm feeling and to be with those feelings. Another thing I've learned is that that everything is impermanent and so is my suffering. What I'm feeling now will change but for this moment, I chose to be with it, to recognize it, and to write about it.